The Not So Pretty 

And what if I am disgusting

 And repulsive

And a bad person 

And selfish 

And self centred 

And unworthy of love? 

If I am racist

And broken

And ugly 

And mediocre 

And in denial

What if I really ain’t shit

What if my shit does stink?

What if I burp and fart and cough and sneeze and wheeze? 

What if I do think about sex with 

random bodies that I encounter

 based off their smell

Their height

Their jaw structure

Just because I was feeling it 

What if I did just want one night 

And no I won’t call back

What if I’m not alright 

What if I am broke

And lonely 

And frustrated 

And depressed 

What if I do every now and then 

Dream of ending it all? 

What if? 

And so what if maybe 

I saw a young child 

And it’s cuteness and innocence 

Scared me 

And instead of a kiss 

I wanted to sit it down in some dark corner and abandon it … 
Running from the little me inside 

That died 

Cause I had to starve it 

What if I ain’t respectful to you 

What if I do harbour greed and 

Live for the jealous looks of girls on the train who feel threatened by me when in the same space as their men? 

What if I wanted to curse

 and 

scream 

and sit with my legs a mile apart because my crotch needed air and 

I don’t want to fix my hair 
And I want to pick my nose and wipe it somewhere 
What if I did want to kick half of you slow ass walkers down the escalator when I am late 
Survival of the fittest means only something sometimes 
What if I did just want to cry and 

throw a tantrum 
. . . 
 But I don’t. 
But what if? 

2 thoughts on “The Not So Pretty 

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