And what if I am disgusting
And a bad person
And self centred
And unworthy of love?
If I am racist
And in denial
What if I really ain’t shit
What if my shit does stink?
What if I burp and fart and cough and sneeze and wheeze?
What if I do think about sex with
random bodies that I encounter
based off their smell
Their jaw structure
Just because I was feeling it
What if I did just want one night
And no I won’t call back
What if I’m not alright
What if I am broke
What if I do every now and then
Dream of ending it all?
And so what if maybe
I saw a young child
And it’s cuteness and innocence
And instead of a kiss
I wanted to sit it down in some dark corner and abandon it …
Running from the little me inside
Cause I had to starve it
What if I ain’t respectful to you
What if I do harbour greed and
Live for the jealous looks of girls on the train who feel threatened by me when in the same space as their men?
What if I wanted to curse
and sit with my legs a mile apart because my crotch needed air and
I don’t want to fix my hair
And I want to pick my nose and wipe it somewhere
What if I did want to kick half of you slow ass walkers down the escalator when I am late
Survival of the fittest means only something sometimes
What if I did just want to cry and
throw a tantrum
. . .
But I don’t.
But what if?